Friday, September 28, 2007
Here writes Urs truly!!!
Fuck la.. My regrets came true.. I shouldn't have stayed back in the club, I wasn't close to them at all.. Worse is, my bad habits, laziness and fucked up attitude has made me give people bad impressions of me.. In the 1st place, maybe I was not close to Ivan and the year 1's, I chose to stick to the year 2's last year which caused me to feel this way. When the year 2's left, I was left with Ivan and Glen, talking terms we are, but somehow or rather we see things differently..
Thinking this year would be different, I continued.. With the intake of the new year 1's, things did not turn out so good. Wanted to change from my old self but didn't, still the same old Laurel.. The Laurel that could not be punctual, irresponsible, full of talk and no actions and worse of all, insensitive..
So insensitive that I make people cry, cry over things which I were supposed to be responsible for.. Not being there when I'm supposed to, not appreciating what people has done for me, overlooking things and overloading work.. I'm a bastard..
When damage is done, and people cry, get hurt and eventually get angry at me.. I'm lost for words. When the scar is there and its too late, that's where I break down cause I'm an idiot at consoling people... and I say inside, "I don't mean to..."
Coming back to me being in the club.. I feel like resigning, PERIOD.. I'm of no help to this club.. Last year and this year, this shows what my fucked up life is worth.. What I spent my fucked up time on.. When I was in the op coms last year, I didn't do much.. Couldn't show for much, much less produce anything.. When I was the vice chair for the event, didn't do much either just stood there, and watch things build infront of me.. This year I had my very own event, it sucked and didn't show for much of what I was worth, nothing.. I even have internal conflicts with the club members, the year one's hate me.. I made one of them angry and cry over sports issues, one of them angry over money collection, Whats more I don't mix much with the rest of the year one's, who knows what conflict would develope.. It all begins with me, my fault, all my bloody fault, I wasn't there when I was supposed to give advise and I have this fucking attitude which makes me easily sensitive about money.. Seriously, I suck.. Insignificant realistically..
Right now, I just want to have time to myself, all to myself, having nothing to worry, just me, myself and my music... How I wished, I could restart my life, going all the way back to when I was born, know a how different language, have a talent, live in a totally different world, where my attitude can't hurt anyone, where my personality don't dent a soul.. Where I can truly smile..........
Remixed on..
9/28/2007 11:27:00 PM
